Living In Brokenness and Vulnerability

The thoughts are based on Sunday’s sermon, so if you haven’t heard it, this stuff might not make sense.

If you heard a pastor who is discouraged and angry with his church, then I either misspoke, you misheard, or a little of both.
If you heard a pastor who is really, really sad that many in the congregation (from his perspective) seem to continue through many of the same reoccurring struggles with limited hope to break free, than you heard correctly.

If you heard a pastor say he is fed up, doesn’t know what to do, and is going to quit, then either I misspoke, you misheard, or a little of both.
If you heard a pastor who is confused, desperately wants to walk along side his congregation, but isn’t sure how to really do that best, than you heard correctly.

If you heard a pastor who shared that he really thinks his church is thoroughly screwed up, then I either misspoke, you misheard, or a little of both.
If you hear a pastor who shared about one aspect of a church, emotional health, and is really, really concerned that the great things happening now, could possibly be just talked about now because we are in the moment, but will then be overlooked as we moved to the next “task,” then you heard correctly.

I write this to you for a couple of reasons. Yesterday was raw. It was transparent. It was honest. It was depressing. We are not used to that in our lives, especially in public. I think it was mostly from a heart of love and deep concern. I hope it wasn’t too much of my own junk, though I am sure some of it was.

Reason #1 – I fear that some might interpret the raw as mad, angry, and disappointed.

Reason #2 – I think some might have an “either it’s all good or it’s all bad” mentality, when I think both generally are happening in any individual or church at the same time. The focus on the sad, for a day, can make it feel like that is all that is going on around here, when in reality, there are some very tremendous things going on and I hope that we can all hear and receive this Saturday evening as we celebrate the end our fast. I am very much looking forward to hearing testimonies. They won’t replace the sad things, but it gives us the balance we need to carry on.

Reason #3 – To answer questions asked of me yesterday and today.

Bryan, are you ok? Yeah, just sad. If you see what I see, get the emails I get, hear the prayer requests I hear, I think you would be sad to. I don’t think that is bad, just sad. And I wish there was more I could do about it. Since I often can’t, that usually just compounds the sadness.

Bryan, what do you really want from us? That is a great question. And one in which the answer is not really that simple, nor does it really have much to do with what we do together on a Sunday morning. In a nut shell, here is what I long for in being part of this thing we call church. To be around a group of people who are hungry, passionate, and committed to following Christ at all costs, together. Who are willing to fight for others freedom, not just focused on our own, even if that means mixing up with each other. People determined to finish the race together, and not quitting, no matter how tough it gets. People who not only long to be genuine and real, but are willing to step out and do it. I believe that process is messy, and painful, and costly. But I also know that is something I desperately want, and I don’t think I can really stomach anything less.

Maybe some of my sermon is really me asking the question, does anybody else want that? Maybe some of it is, how in the world do we do that? Maybe it’s me saying, “Hey, I am willing to be up here naked, who wants to join me?” Maybe it’s me saying, “There is a whole world of people out there longing to be free and real and we have a great opportunity to help them out” and wondering if we will be able to do that? Maybe some of it is simply me wondering out loud if I am the right man for the job?

I suppose that all of those may be mixed in there (and probably some other things I am not aware of), but mostly I think it was just a very sad man sharing his heart with his congregation, in a general way, about many of the specifics in the life of our church that are just plain old sad. And inviting you to be sad AND hopeful with me.